Who am I post 1 ver 1

Ok this is not easy, I've not had the greatest of pasts but to understand who I am now you have to understand where I'm coming from. This will probably be done over several posts, this will be part one but is going to start in the middle. Pieces of the past will be added in as needed. Prologue I come from a great family brother, sister, mom, biological father passed away, and my dad, like many my maternal grand mother had a big part of my youth and life, I was not good, give me a choice and I'll take the wrong one, suffice it to say for now this lead to a life of hurt people behind me until my lifestyle brought me to rock bottom. After I started piecing my life back together I realized I was in a very unhealthy relationship, so I tried to fix things, eventually we broke up, she married some guy three months latter. Given this second chance what should I do with it? I decided I wanted a life of service, I made bad choices and had no idea how to use my gifts wisly, so I decided on the priesthood. Now this is not an easy process, I was to learn. Calling my local catholic church they were happy to help but informed me very nicely to be a priest you needed to be catholic, oh huh, that sorta makes sense, why had that never occurred to me? Ok well at the time I was a member of the LDS church, more commonly known as mormons. To become catholic you need to go through a year long period of school, then to become a priest you need to be a member for three years in good standing, and pass a battery of psychological and personality test to make sure your not going to say abuse your authority, I enjoyed the class, learning a lot, then served in the class for the next for years going from the shadows to doing talks myself. During this time I had become friends with someone who had gone through the class with me, he was always pushing me to get involved in his calling, youth ministry but this terrified me, it was like asking a heroin addict to run a methadone clinic, eventually he convinced me I had to face the demon, and I wouldn't be alone, so I helped out on a retreat. It was terrifying but amazing, the kids responded well to me, so I ended up serving in youth ministry for the next few years. During this time I was flying off staying with holy orders, testing, going through the process finding the right order, I wanted a monastic order where I could meditate in a cave and suffer over the actions I've done in my life. A wise priest gave me some great advice. Rarely are we called to do what we want, where called to what we need, so after deep thought I realized the monastic life was my desire to escape, not my calling, I needed to be helping, service, using my gifts for others, so I started interviewing with acts based orders. While doing this I continued doing the youth ministry eventually even acting as the spiritual director for a retreat of my own design, scary stuff, based around the wizard of oz. Behind all of this I had become friends with another of the youth minsters. Many times over the years I found myself thinking it was to bad she was so much younger, we really got on amazing, and I had learned something, over the years, going into the priesthood I was not thinking of woman as woman just people, so she became the first woman I had become friends with, real friends, not what can I get out of this friends, the model of most of my relationships before rock Bottom and huh, you ladies think some great thoughts, but I had no idea that several years later we'd actually get together but that will be my next post on who I am....