Wow, how hectic, I knew my mom and her new puppy we're coming down to visit, haven't seen her in a few years, but then surprise my sister turns up with my niece so I got to spend some quality time with them, and I haven't seen them in about 5 years, so she's become an incorrigible 9 year old, my niece, lol not my sister. I got to spend some time with my grandmother as well as my cousin, my aunt, who I haven't seen in a few years, and my dad. So the wife and I are house sitting for her parents whom just happen to live about ten blocks, from where my mom was staying at my grandmothers. Honestly I'm probably forgetting someone, so many people were coming in and out, if I did miss you, sorry I enjoyed spending time with you too, just so many people I'm sure I missed mentioning someone. We get home, ahhhh, so nice to be back in your own bed, when I get woke up in the middle of the night, a server at work had gone down, I needed to handle the upset researches whose data was unavailable and possibly lost. I was informed of this right after they told me I got the promotion. Sweet, after two years of hard work I got a promotion, my first day dealing with my team is the day one of the main server crashes.
Now after 6+ hours everything seems to be getting back on track, but I still have a team of frustrated researchers, analysts, programmers, consultants, information contractors, knowledge miners, data architects, you name it. What a great first day, but I'm not going to let it get me down, no matter what else I got the promotion, even though I'm not going to be on a research and analysis team I really enjoyed working with, and I got to spend some amazing time with the family, so wow, what a great weekend, after the stress of last week, this week is starting pretty amazing even with the work issues. It's technology your gonna have these problems occasionally right? Anyway have a great time my friends, I look forward to chatting with you agian.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Talk about overkill
I knew this session was going to be tough, I took more classes than normal, and normally I take two normal classes, and one tough class, this session I took the two normal classes and three tough, science, math type classes. This was a huge mistake. On top of to many classes, normaly I use the break between classes to read the material for the session, and start working on my papers, meaning o only have tests, and actual classroom activity to work on, I didn't do that this time, I miscalculated and haven't had the money to get all the books, not good for keeping up on studying. Work was normal until I was asked to prepare for two major conferences, which is a huge workload on top of the normal research and papers on other projects. Now try to fit friends, family, fiancé, faith, or life into the remaining space and you ran out of energy along time ago, and someone of not many people are getting less than that deserve. When this school session is over I won't make the same mistakes agian.
I still don't know how people do this with kids, at the end of the day I just want to cuddle up and goto bed, working with an international clientele my life is literally 24/7 though there's a tiny window
for me in the evenings when the the west has gone to sleep and the east has not quite gotten moving, thier's another tiny window in the morning where the inverse occurs, I might get some sleep then, or try and do a little reading or writing. Nights belong to the wife of course. Speaking of which I have a call at 10:30 in about 15 min, so I'm going to tie up my whining, eat my cheese and get on with it, I'm just glad I have such a patient other half, I know it's not easy, when she was going to school it was tough for me too, I wish I could share more of my school and work with her, until then talk to y'all later.
I still don't know how people do this with kids, at the end of the day I just want to cuddle up and goto bed, working with an international clientele my life is literally 24/7 though there's a tiny window
for me in the evenings when the the west has gone to sleep and the east has not quite gotten moving, thier's another tiny window in the morning where the inverse occurs, I might get some sleep then, or try and do a little reading or writing. Nights belong to the wife of course. Speaking of which I have a call at 10:30 in about 15 min, so I'm going to tie up my whining, eat my cheese and get on with it, I'm just glad I have such a patient other half, I know it's not easy, when she was going to school it was tough for me too, I wish I could share more of my school and work with her, until then talk to y'all later.
Sexual anorexia - another childhood trauma
Believe it or not thier is such a thing, people who though attracted to thier partner seeks to deprive themselves of intimacy because of childhood wounds due to actions of either mother, father or both.
This condition can occur with a distant parent especially the opposing gender parent. The individual can feel the other gender is unsafe or going to hurt them, so to protect themselves they take control of thier sexual action. Many times not even realizing they are doing it. Individuals suffering from this condition don't understand why they are doing these things, or sometimes even that they are doing it, leaving the spouse feeling that they've done something wrong, thier partner is not attracted to them, or possibly could be cheating. Seeing as this condition is caused by childhood vectors, the spouse is not only not at fault but other than thier emotional support and patience, the actual work has to be done by the injured individual.
Many times along with therepy to learn the cause of the condition, the solution is putting together a contract clearly indicating the needs of both partners, which includes a schedule of the when's and what's of sexual activity, opening the pathways to communication, and feelings of safety by the person suffering from the disorder.
I share this information because often times I hear people talk about how childhood events and divorce, or the lack of divorce growing up in a hostile household can lead to many relationship issues, and the lack of understanding of how to behave as an adult. How do you behave like a man, a husband, and a father if you've never seen what a good example of one is? Can you learn to serf if you've never seen it done by someone whose knowledgable, and skillfully practiced in surfing? Yes! But your going to make mistakes, and potentially get severely hurt. It's also likely your going to hurt someone else in the water if you don't know what your doing.
Here is yet another problem which is created which many people are totally unaware of. Especially
men who's testosterone drops as you get older, if your having these kinds of issues talk to your doctor, there may be more going on than your aware of, decrease in libido can be caused by diabetes, high blood pressure, different medications, basicly a lot of things.
Just a note if there is any inaccuracy here it is totally my fault, I'm not a medical doctor, just trying to bring information to people which they may not be aware of, I am quite familier with many problems which can occur due to childhood events, I had never even heard of sexual anorexia, so please look into it if these sound like things going on in your life. This class on human sexuality has been very interesting.
This condition can occur with a distant parent especially the opposing gender parent. The individual can feel the other gender is unsafe or going to hurt them, so to protect themselves they take control of thier sexual action. Many times not even realizing they are doing it. Individuals suffering from this condition don't understand why they are doing these things, or sometimes even that they are doing it, leaving the spouse feeling that they've done something wrong, thier partner is not attracted to them, or possibly could be cheating. Seeing as this condition is caused by childhood vectors, the spouse is not only not at fault but other than thier emotional support and patience, the actual work has to be done by the injured individual.
Many times along with therepy to learn the cause of the condition, the solution is putting together a contract clearly indicating the needs of both partners, which includes a schedule of the when's and what's of sexual activity, opening the pathways to communication, and feelings of safety by the person suffering from the disorder.
I share this information because often times I hear people talk about how childhood events and divorce, or the lack of divorce growing up in a hostile household can lead to many relationship issues, and the lack of understanding of how to behave as an adult. How do you behave like a man, a husband, and a father if you've never seen what a good example of one is? Can you learn to serf if you've never seen it done by someone whose knowledgable, and skillfully practiced in surfing? Yes! But your going to make mistakes, and potentially get severely hurt. It's also likely your going to hurt someone else in the water if you don't know what your doing.
Here is yet another problem which is created which many people are totally unaware of. Especially
men who's testosterone drops as you get older, if your having these kinds of issues talk to your doctor, there may be more going on than your aware of, decrease in libido can be caused by diabetes, high blood pressure, different medications, basicly a lot of things.
Just a note if there is any inaccuracy here it is totally my fault, I'm not a medical doctor, just trying to bring information to people which they may not be aware of, I am quite familier with many problems which can occur due to childhood events, I had never even heard of sexual anorexia, so please look into it if these sound like things going on in your life. This class on human sexuality has been very interesting.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Outside
How do you explain to people, somewhere, somehow you've become agoraphobic, the idea of going out, the idea of being around people has gotten to the point where the stress just makes me pass out, I can't breath. I've always had minor issues about leaving my comfort zone. Ever since I started having the vision problems it's gotten much worse. It seems like if my wife is there I'm more comfortable, but that doesn't mean I don't resist as much as possible. Meeting new people, going to new places are very difficult, I probably leave the house once every three months for doctores visits. I telecommute and do all my school online, and in that social forum can be pretty active, but leaving the house is acutely uncomfortable, it's not something I'm really ready to tell people, in fact most of my friends reading this will find it surprising. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm deluding myself thinking people don't realize my entire life is online.
24/7 I'm open work, research, teleconferenceing, on the phone, studying, as long as it keeps me from having to leave, now with kindle I don't even have to leave to buy movies, music, and what not. Then you have someone invite you to go somewhere....how do you explain just the thought is enough to cause you to pass out? I guess only time will tell, but I feel like until I get my health issues taken care of I don't thing being out in public while not being able to see what's around me is going do be anything less than anxiety ridden. Until then I really don't know, as much as this is an issue now, before when I could drive, and see it wasn't, maybe in this life nothing is permenent. I guess we'll see what the future holds.
24/7 I'm open work, research, teleconferenceing, on the phone, studying, as long as it keeps me from having to leave, now with kindle I don't even have to leave to buy movies, music, and what not. Then you have someone invite you to go somewhere....how do you explain just the thought is enough to cause you to pass out? I guess only time will tell, but I feel like until I get my health issues taken care of I don't thing being out in public while not being able to see what's around me is going do be anything less than anxiety ridden. Until then I really don't know, as much as this is an issue now, before when I could drive, and see it wasn't, maybe in this life nothing is permenent. I guess we'll see what the future holds.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Slacker
Sorry everyone I feel like I've abandoned you, I haven't. I promise, with school, which I definitely took to many classes, and work, amongst my actual team projects I have two seminars I need to prep for, plus I'm terrified of jinxing myself but the rumor is I'm at the top of the list for a new job opening, which would be a huge coup for someone who technically only has one degree, it seems some of my projects and papers have found some strong support from the boss's. unfortunately that means my friends, family, and extended friends, ie social media has really taken a hit,I'm lucky I have
such a great wife, she's put up with me being mentally absente or worse bore her to tears with what I'm studing or working on, so sorry this is so brief, it's just after midnight and life starts anew, bien venue my friends, I know spelling is off its late and I'm tired, lol, night
such a great wife, she's put up with me being mentally absente or worse bore her to tears with what I'm studing or working on, so sorry this is so brief, it's just after midnight and life starts anew, bien venue my friends, I know spelling is off its late and I'm tired, lol, night
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Netflix : auditions
A Japanese film about a gentlemen using the audition process to find a new wife. If your into creepy horror it fails, if your into gore porn it fails. There are so many elements included that never go anywhere it feels like your chaffing under the pressure of some one else's fears. I really don't want to give this movie any more time than I already have watching it, but I'd heard so much about it, it had 4.9 stars and since I'm working on a class project about fears and the media I felt I needed to see it, my suggestion is watch beast wars instead it has great CG, yeah it might be a kids show but watch the whole series its better than any of the great masters. The show starts slow but by its third season was dealing with some very heavy issues. I'm being totally honest when I say several episodes left me in tears and I'm hardly the crying type, finding myself crying over an animated show I started watching to learn new graphics techniques blew me away, but for now back to work as you may know I have two seminars to prepare talks for and semi-finals to finish writing and study for.
Talk to you all soon!
Talk to you all soon!
Classes : Taboo
The neuro-social-psycho elements of the taboo from gender bias and diversity, sexuality, fetishes to how we culturally are indoctrinated into what foods, habits, even what and how we think are shaped not only by our genetics but how were raised and in what culture, faith, ect.
I find it really amazing that in some cultures where taught that sometimes are wrong when we have genetically evolved for that exact thing. When what foods we ear, our gender preference, our sexuality, our beliefs including what happens after we die can be taught as fact when the reality much of that is cultural architecture or the material of faith. While other things are genetic and inescapable such as body identity or sexual orientation while things like food are clearly cultural or religious.
Yet some of this architecture has existed so long it has effected our genetics, to the point where certain amish lack the gene to break down alcohol, and many eastern cultures can not produce the enzyme to digest milk products
In India where western trends have become the norm there has been a huge rise in diabetes and other food based health issues because they have
evolved not eating the rich fatty sweet foods common to the west, leading to a epidemic of health issues.
As I look forward to studying both sides of this I admit a certain western prudishness when looking at some of the sexual fetishes, I do look forward to trying to understand what would make a person fall in love with thier car, ie objectumphilia, forgive my spelling on that I need to check my notes, what makes a person desire to dress as a plush costume, or be an adult baby.
As part of this course we've been watching certain episodes of a series called taboo, one of which featured a "wannabe" paraplegia, being disabled I admit this really made me struggle. Having a person use B. I. I. D. a tragic condition as an excuse to play dress up and use a wheelchair while taking day hikes out in the mountains was really frustrating. Disabled people don't have the luxury of stoping when it's inconvenient for themselves or thier families. We can't hop out of the car and get the wheel chair out of the trunk. That's not to say we don't find ways to get on with life, we just don't get to turn it on and off and to have her being validated by BIID isn't right in my book. From what I saw from a limited perspective she needed counseling far more than a wheel chair.
Just in case your unfamiliar with BIID, basically it's when the minds map
of the body is incomplete so those parts of the body not on the map feel alien. To the point where those suffering from this have done whatever it took to self amputate the limb. I know a little about this disorder as a wrote a treatment on it a few years ago looking at possible means of help, possibly linking it to the inverse of phantom limb syndrome which entails feeling sensory input or pain from an amputated limb, because it's still part of your bodies neurological body integrity map.
Anyway I've babbled on, I hope I haven't offended anyone these are just my thoughts I hope you have some and would feel free to share.
I find it really amazing that in some cultures where taught that sometimes are wrong when we have genetically evolved for that exact thing. When what foods we ear, our gender preference, our sexuality, our beliefs including what happens after we die can be taught as fact when the reality much of that is cultural architecture or the material of faith. While other things are genetic and inescapable such as body identity or sexual orientation while things like food are clearly cultural or religious.
Yet some of this architecture has existed so long it has effected our genetics, to the point where certain amish lack the gene to break down alcohol, and many eastern cultures can not produce the enzyme to digest milk products
In India where western trends have become the norm there has been a huge rise in diabetes and other food based health issues because they have
evolved not eating the rich fatty sweet foods common to the west, leading to a epidemic of health issues.
As I look forward to studying both sides of this I admit a certain western prudishness when looking at some of the sexual fetishes, I do look forward to trying to understand what would make a person fall in love with thier car, ie objectumphilia, forgive my spelling on that I need to check my notes, what makes a person desire to dress as a plush costume, or be an adult baby.
As part of this course we've been watching certain episodes of a series called taboo, one of which featured a "wannabe" paraplegia, being disabled I admit this really made me struggle. Having a person use B. I. I. D. a tragic condition as an excuse to play dress up and use a wheelchair while taking day hikes out in the mountains was really frustrating. Disabled people don't have the luxury of stoping when it's inconvenient for themselves or thier families. We can't hop out of the car and get the wheel chair out of the trunk. That's not to say we don't find ways to get on with life, we just don't get to turn it on and off and to have her being validated by BIID isn't right in my book. From what I saw from a limited perspective she needed counseling far more than a wheel chair.
Just in case your unfamiliar with BIID, basically it's when the minds map
of the body is incomplete so those parts of the body not on the map feel alien. To the point where those suffering from this have done whatever it took to self amputate the limb. I know a little about this disorder as a wrote a treatment on it a few years ago looking at possible means of help, possibly linking it to the inverse of phantom limb syndrome which entails feeling sensory input or pain from an amputated limb, because it's still part of your bodies neurological body integrity map.
Anyway I've babbled on, I hope I haven't offended anyone these are just my thoughts I hope you have some and would feel free to share.
Diapaus evolution is truly amazing
This is a condition or mutation which allows mother to hold in suspended animation multiple siblings, having one child at a time, thus she can focus her attention on raising that one child until it is no longer suckling which will allow the twin/sibling to start developing and growing.
I'm not sure how many species are capable of this, or if it's a feature only marsupials possess, I'm just beginning to study this now, so I expect I will be doing an update on this. It just seemed so amazing I wanted to share it. What an amazing survival trait.
I'm not sure how many species are capable of this, or if it's a feature only marsupials possess, I'm just beginning to study this now, so I expect I will be doing an update on this. It just seemed so amazing I wanted to share it. What an amazing survival trait.
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