Saturday, June 23, 2012
INTJ thinkers and feelers
Who am I, in the many personality test I took in my process to the priesthood, my personality was classified as a INTJ, this probably is unfamailer to many people but everyone and I mean everyone breaks down into this list somewhere. Each letter I/E, N/S, T/F, J/P; so not to get to complicated but basicly there's a range between each letter, so taking the first one I'm a extreme I, or introvert, the E is for extrovert, I'm going to assume that these are self explanatory but in brief I like my small group of friends and being around a large group of people drains me, exo's are the opposite their social butterfly's loving to be around people, and struggle in small groups, feeling exposed. The next grouping pertains to world view, I'm an N or intuitive, I'm a dreamer, I believe in imagination, and curved non linear thinking, while an S believes in rules, and order, structure and linear thinking, suffice it to say we don't get along well because we both see the world so differently and deal with authority differently, but we're both important because as a visionary I can come up with the new ideas but with out the structure and discipline of the S's we N's would never get anything done. Next is the biggie, what we'll be talking about today, the T/F, I'm a thinker, everything in me is cerebral and dealing with feelers has been a constant struggle for me. If I find out someone is talking bad about me I'm going to try to figure out what I did that would cause them to do so, a feeler is going to wonder why? A thinkers actions and responses come from analysis, where a feeler derives from their heart, their likes and dislikes. Lastly their is the judgers, and the perceives, I never really understood these names but judgers plan, plan everything, even if we procrastinate, we don't do anything off the cuff, it makes us very uncomfortable, whereas perceivers are spontaneous, they hate planning, feeling constrained, and hate the waiting, they love to just go, and see what comes, and thrive on that mystery. As I said I'm a INTJ, I like my small group of friends, and I'm a dreamer, I'm a thinker, and I need everything planned out, don't pop something on me I don't do well with surprises, but what I want to talk about is thinkers and feelers. Being a thinker most of the people my mom, my mate among others in my life are feeling. My mom has really been on the bad end of this for most of my life, it wasn't until my rock bottom crash down that I figurd out the pain and damage I'd left in my past, I hadn't really noticed or cared. The fact that my relationship with a hardcore feeler has been sucesssfull makes me believe I've begun to learn to deal with feelers, but for me it really is like another language, when you say think before you speak I need to take that a step further, I need to think how are they going to hear what I'm going to say. Turns out I can say some very hurtful things not thinking about it, but it's just a fact to me. Reacting to them has also been a learning experience, because I need to figure out what there really trying to say, because with feelers it's often the tone, or undertones, even the words unsaid that are the most important. Now does this mean I've been successful, no, when my other half first cried in front of me I had no idea what to do. It's become sort of a joke today but at the time it was terrible, she was hurt, and I couldn't think of anything to do, when she tells the story now the term deer in the head lights come up. Now I know she doesn't need me to talk or even necessarily fix it, just hold her and be there. Huh how feelerish is that, makes no sense to a thinker, but does it need to? Agian, no. It's just the difference between us all, has this helped fix the wreakege I've left in the lives in the people around me? Has it fixed the pain and hurt I've caused in my past? No, but I try to, and I try to live my life the best I can, and in the end as long as I can look into the eyes of my other half, and know we work, never having really argued with each other or fought, I think I'm on the right path, will I still try to fix things, try to improve myself, try to fulfill my promise to live a life of service, being the best person I can, then the answer is yes. Part of achieving that has been to realize we are all different, and to co-exist we need to learn how to, and have the desire to, it's easy to be selfish, it's easy to not see another's suffering, what's hard is to do something to change it. To quote a favorite tv show, in each persons life they are going to be called to step up and be a hero, I've tried and try every day, will you?
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