Well we went, not only was it fast Sunday, but it was testimony sacrament, so for those of you not in the know that means after minutes of silence people slowly make there way to the front, and tell a little story proving the book of Mormon is real and Joseph was real and all that good stuff. After that there's business, bible study and upcoming activities. I'm not sure how to put down my thoughts on church, it's so different from being catholic, which was my faith from 2000-to current though I've been struggling the last few years. I was raised in a spiritual household but no real allegiance to any man-made church, I heard a lot what's the point of going to church, asking for forgiveness then going right back out to do it agian. I've since learned that's not the teaching, just a human failing, we do that, stumble and fall occasionally.
So from this spirituality I converted to the LDS or Mormon church in 1992, baptized on my birthday, after a slow decline and several bad situations it wasn't meeting that need, in '99 I hit rock bottom, and had an experience that changed my life. At the time I was in a unhealthy relationship, after my conversion I made a commitment to be the person she deserved, ironically this led to the end of the relationship. Afterwords I was left in a void, what to do, as you'll read in trapped by a miracle I decided to use my considerable gifts in a life of service not selfishness, ergo the priesthood.
So after RCIA, (agian explained in the upcoming trapped by a miracle) I converted to the catholic church and began my journey to the priesthood, in the process I met my wife today, and after the events following us becoming a couple left a lot of pain. I always said I'd be thankful to the Mormon church because they brought me to the catholic church and would never close the door, so I kept meeting with my home teacher, and one day when the sisters showed up, a new thing I'd never heard of female missionaries, we had a nice talk. They've been welcome visitors pretty much every week for the last few years.
They were over for thier visit and found out my wife was off Sunday and they have been inviting us to come to church probably since there first visit, but she's a manger and has to work weekends, and with school and an international work schedule, well what's Sunday for me isn't for my clients, being avalible 24/7 is good but it has it's downsides. I love work and school, I know sick, but I'd chuck em both to be a graphic artist and musician but that doesn't pay the bills.
Anyway back to the point, she was off, and I'd been up since 5am from an international confrence call so she had kind of decided why not go, I figured I was up, my schedule was forceably clear so why not, besides I really didn't want her being alone going through a totally alien mass which was so different from the one she had known. Did it bring back memories, not all good, in fact though the experience itself was fine, mostly it brought back a lot of bad memories. I don't really know how to explain it all, your uncomfortable, you don't really know anybody, or many people, some of those you do know, well you just don't like. Of course they don't know you either so it's sort of this awkward dance of trying to feel each other out. My new home teacher, as you might rember my last passed away suddenly, is very likable and seems very high up in the hierarchy to be out home teaching a pain in the ass inactive like me, but I do like him, we've both traveled around the world pretty extensively so we can talk about our adventures, he's a mountain climber, something I've wanted to do but Mt. Fuji was the biggest mountain I got to climb before my accident, he's also studied martial arts and seems to be very much a thinker and techie like myself.
As much as I enjoyed Joe, and adored his wife other than both being catholic thier was little common ground, though I still find the though of him gone painful in a strange way, and seeing his wife at church, well let's just say under that sweet caring person, she's tough as nails, I'm not sure I could stand her shoes with such grace, and I continue to adore her and hope the best for her and her family. Sorry agian back to church, in the end I just don't know, to me a catholic mass is magic at its highest, something potentially transforming and reaffirming every week, while LDS mass is antiseptic, stripped of its wonder and beauty, but the people at least on the surface are mostly great people, in the end I can see going back but how do you deal with the magic that's missing? I don't know what the future holds but I've got a lot of questions for the sisters this week.
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