Still struggling with inner-space

My apologies I haven't willing been absentee, there's just been a lot going on, school just started and for the first time not having the funds for my text books, illness, spiritual and moral issues, as well as housing issues.  I love hearing people talk about the American dream, when it's really much becoming impossible for anyone accept a chosen few.  Honestly I really struggle when some people are given so much by the government, or organizations, and churches, but being disabled doesn't really qualify you for much help.  I'd love to be working in a more active role, one which would allow me to afford to buy a house, have kids, maintain the car, and pay off all the student loans, with out being reduced to near poverty.
   That's not to say I don't love my work, I get to deal with the go to people in thier fields, but when the big names thank all the countless people who've made this discovery possible, that's me.  Maybe in ten years if things all work out and I end up graduating, maybe then I maybe one of those names, by then I'll be in my 50's and probably not in the best physical shape to have kids.
   Anyways I'd just like to thank for your patience, with everything going on, life is beginning to feel more than a little overwhelming.  It's frustrating to see just as things seem to be improving and were getting ahead in life something health, or technical, or job, or school based and wham financially where just holding our own again.  It probably doesn't help mentally and spiritually that some of the subject areas I'm studying means looking into areas of my own past.  Reading the Lucifer affect, today's project watching nat geo's science of evil, and science channels through the worm hole, can we ever stop evil, means I'm sure today will lead to some really pleasant thoughts, but trying to learn the neuro-science  of evil through FMIR studies may lead to better understanding of evil and it's genetic and Environmental vectors.  Personally I find it horrific that after ww2 we as a race said never again, yet to list all the times genocidal behavior has occurred since would take a paper in itself.  Some of these events even happened under the televised worlds eye, as the police force of the united nations looked on doing nothing, such atrocities seem unexplained even today years later.
    Anyway thanks again for your patience I'm hoping things will cool off and I can actually go though my drafts and finish them and post them.  Over the last few weeks I've taken notes on drafts, and hopefully I'll be able to finish typing them up for you all, lol, I'm sure I'm not the first person to get thrown by doing a moral inventory of your life, where your at, how you got there, and all the rest, I know birthdays are not joyful things for a lot of people.  I'm working on a draft called trapped by a miracle which may explain some of what haunts me today.  Anyway thank you for all of you in my life if your friend, family, reader, however you've touched my life, thank you.